i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
