I'm jealous of your bromance
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
