I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize