there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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