Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize