There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
