I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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