All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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