i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
