WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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