he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
