I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
