Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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