No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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