I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
