i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
