I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
