Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
