Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
