remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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