She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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