You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
