My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
