At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
