70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
