I just cut my nipple shaving
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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