That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
