He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize