she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
