Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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