Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
