Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
