I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
