Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
