just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
