we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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