Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want her autograph on my taint
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
