I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
