im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
