She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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