hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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