lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
