Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
