i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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