Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
