My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize