don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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