Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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