Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
