i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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