this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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