I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
