conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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