he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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