youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
