what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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