Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
