I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize