I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
