I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Boobs speak an international language.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize