he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
