I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
