so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
