Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize