I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
