On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
