I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
