you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
