I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We're too hungover to prance.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
