I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
