Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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