FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
