Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
