I want to walk on stilts...naked
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
