grandma shit on top of the toilet
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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