For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
