I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's the barista slut.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
