Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
