You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
