mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
