he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
