i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
