I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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