If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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