..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
