My hand turned me down
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
