I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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