I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
