I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize