the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
that's an acceptable place to lick
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Randomize
