i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Randomize
