I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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