So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
